What I'm Never, Ever, Going to Do:
I am never going to write about Fabio, even though technically, now that I've written his name, I have, so I might as well say that he just can't expect to be taken seriously as an actor, ever, especially after posing shirtless with that feigned furrowed brow and pursed lips, on the cover of countless romance novels.
I am never going to write a vampire story, unless it's about a vampire without health insurance, that is near-sighted and has terrible hearing, so that the majority of his activities consist of grumbling about how hearing aids and glasses are too expensive to purchase when one is self-employed, squinting and stumbling about, completely unaware of the screams and chaos, until he finds a peach tree and out of desperation, sucks all the fruit dry, only to discover that he is indeed, a fruit bat. On second thought, vampire satire could be funny.
I am never going to speak to Hobo Spider ever again. No, that is not the person's name, but it's what I have named this person so I won't get sued, (in the case the poisonous little arachnid crawls out of its lair and finds its way here). There are a lot of litigious people out there, and that little spider loves lawyers, (and incidentally, plastic surgeons, but that's another story).
I am never going to get any plastic surgery procedures done, unless I have a rhino horn grafted to my forehead. That's not very likely, so I'm going to go all old school and count each line and spot's arrival, and patiently wait and see just how long it takes for my face to fall off my skull.
I will never eat Skittles, especially the red ones since they remind me of the dentist. I mean this.
I am going to stop saying never because I always fall in to the same old "never" trap and do exactly what I say I will never do, (this does not apply to red Skittles).
prompt:
to-do list by Sasha Cagen
No comments:
Post a Comment