That Old Black Magic

mixed-media collage

That Old Black Magic
Harold Arlen & Johnny Mercer

That old black magic has me in its spell,
That old black magic that you weave so well.
Those icy fingers up and down my spine,
The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.

The same old tingle that I feel inside,
And then that elevator starts its ride.
And down and down I go; round and round I go
Like a leaf that's caught in the tide.

A fantastic song, recorded by the greats, Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, the Muppets. Glenn Miller recorded a version, and even Marilyn Monroe sang it in one of her films. What's truly odd and a little creepy is that so did Kevin Spacey and Robin Williams.

This post has nothing to do with falling under the spell of a lover's charms. The old emotional weight has returned and with it,that old familiar restlessness and sadness. The elevator analogy of the song is apt, but in this case, it's more of a sheet of thick black ice that descends and hangs a few inches overhead. I thought I could outrun it this year, trick it, night-light it away, but this past week I've come to believe that in addition to the old standard seasonal depression, this is linked to behavior, patterns, things I've been complaining about for a long time.

This year it's about clearing out the baggage, finalizing accounts no matter how difficult or disappointing or embarrassing, and most important of all, being accountable for every nook and cranny of every bit of it.

I started clearing out in a literal way, by turbo-cleaning and organizing my living room and the silverware drawer. Baby steps!